3 tips to avoid mealtime battles.
Parenting coach, Caroline Rowett answers a parent's fussy eating question:
I get so frustrated when my child doesn't eat and then we get into a battle of wills. I know this isn't helping but I need to know how to get out of this cycle because meals are a nightmare.
Meal times with toddlers can be quite a challenge. Many parents find themselves caught in a battle of wills, trying to ensure their little ones eat a healthy diet while respecting their budding independence. If you find yourself in this situation, you're not alone. Here are some insights and strategies to help you and your toddler navigate these tricky moments with more ease and less frustration.
Understanding Your Toddler's Perspective
First and foremost, it's essential to understand what's going on from your toddler's point of view. Toddlers are learning that they are independent beings, separate from their parents, and they want to express this newfound independence. Meal times can become a battleground for asserting this independence. They might think, "I am in control of my food intake, and I can do this myself!" Knowing this, we can find appropriate ways to support their newfound need for self-direction.
Encouraging Self-Direction at Mealtime
One way to encourage self-direction is by involving your toddler in meal times. Here are a few strategies:
Serve Themselves:
Place small bowls in the centre of the table and allow your toddler to serve themselves. This gives them a sense of control over their food choices. (Yes, they may initially choose only the chicken nuggets and leave the veg, but making meals enjoyable is initially the priority when you are in a negative cycle. From that calm place, adventures in food can begin.
Meal Planning:
Involve them in choosing a meal or two for the week. Even scribbling on a meal plan can make them feel included and valued.
Age-Appropriate Choices:
Offer choices that are suitable for their age, giving them a sense of autonomy. Parents are often surprised that simple choices such as "1 or 2 teaspoons of peas?" can work.
Maintaining Calm as a Parent
As parents, it's crucial to maintain our calm during these times. Most parents probably find this tricky, but we are the adults and have to be the ones to step back from battles. Here are a few tips to manage frustration:
Quick Calming Techniques:
Have a set of quick strategies to turn to when you feel frustration rising. My personal favourite is taking a deep breath and walking a few steps up and down the kitchen. Consider things you already implement and make a mental note to use them.
Understand the Root Causes:
Often, our frustration isn't just about the immediate situation. Reflect on whether past experiences, financial worries, or other stressors are influencing your reactions. Journaling or talking to a friend who listens without interrupting can help you gain clarity.
Regular Rebalancing Techniques:
We are all busy, but finding moments to recenter doesn't have to take a lot of time. Dancing around the kitchen to shake out frustration, scheduling a weekly walk with a friend or hiding in a cupboard to drink your coffee in peace all help! Our favourite is to incorporate mindfulness into our daily routine. We offer eight mindfulness exercises that are just five minutes long and designed specifically for busy parents. These exercises can help you rebalance quickly and easily. They are family-friendly, so you can even do them with your child too.
Seeking Additional Support
If managing meal times feels overwhelming, it's okay to seek help. Sometimes, understanding your own reactions and finding the right strategies requires external support. Consider booking a 45-minute consultation call with us. This can help you identify the next steps, whether that's coaching or another form of support. Remember, it's perfectly okay to ask for help! Contact us here.
Keep in mind these three things to build that virtuous cycle and enjoy mealtimes with your toddler:
Giving them appropriate levels of self-direction.
Maintaining your own balance through deeper self-knowledge, understanding of your thoughts and influences on your reactions.
Having strategies to manage frustration, both in the moment and regularly.
We hope this helps you break the cycle you are in and create a calmer mealtime environment. From this calm place, you can support your child through small manageable steps to be adventurous with food. Keep an eye out for our many ideas to help with that.
