How Long a Meal Should Last?

Josephine answers the question of how long a toddler meal should last, drawing on expert advice from feeding specialists and providing some actionable strategies to support parents.

Hello, I’m Josephine Fernando, Nutrition Coach & Fussy Eating expert.

Every 2 weeks we answer a question that’s been submitted from our Raising Adventurous Eaters community with the knowledge that when one person asks a question there are often many more wondering the same thing.

So, the question I will be answering this week is….

My toddler takes ages over meals, how long should I make her stay at the table?

Really good question and one that I also struggled with on and off when my children were toddlers. I can honestly remember sometimes having to factor in more than an hour for meals which I found so frustrating, especially on days when we had plans or arrangements to meet others. 

 So, how long should we allow for mealtimes? Feeding experts recommend anywhere between 20 & 45 minutes which is quite a big window - personally I think the answer to this depends largely on what your child is doing that’s causing mealtimes to be drawn out and also how much of an issue it’s causing. Caroline and I always tell parents that they have to look after themselves as well as their children so it’s crucial that mealime arrangements suit everyone. 

Let’s look at some example, possible responses and subsequent strategies.

If your child is sitting in their chair for an extended period of time, showing little interest in their food and wanting to get down, they probably aren’t hungry, in which case I would cover their food (in case they change their mind immediately after getting down!) & end the meal. So long as children are offered nutritious food at regular intervals throughout the day, the vast majority of children will eat exactly what they need to, so although I know it can be tricky sometimes when it feels like they aren’t eating enough, breathe deeply and trust that your child will listen to their hunger and satiety cues. Our Raising Adventurous Eaters audio course looks at this in great depth so definitely worth considering if you feel that would be helpful.

An alternative situation might be a child who is interested in their food and is eating, just veryyy slowly! Or perhaps a little stop, start. In this case, as long as your child is happy and you are not stressed, within reason I would let that situation play out… But, I presume from the fact that you have asked this question, mealtimes are feeling drawn out & stressful in which case I would suggest the following…. Explain to your child that it’s great they are enjoying their food and that mealtimes are an important part of the day. However, there are lots of other fun things to do and sometimes there are plans and arrangements that mean mealtimes need to be just a little bit faster. One strategy that works for many families is to introduce a timer. The old-school sand ones work well if you can find one with the right amount of sand as they are  visual but otherwise a large digital timer might be a good option or, if you are happy using a screen, there are tons of visual apps available. You could start with say 50 minutes and then reduce the time each day or week until you reach a duration that works for your family. 

Then there’s the child that continually wants more food and eats endlessly. The most likely reason for this is a growth spurt. Some children eat a phenomenal amount of food during this time and should be allowed to do so, whether through extended mealtimes or nutrient dense, on-the-go snacks. However, if you feel that your child is overeating in a way that is detrimental to their health, please speak to your GP or medical professional who will be able to guide you further. 

So, like most things child related, there isn’t a one size fits all standard answer to the question of long we should allow for a toddler meal but as mentioned previously feeding experts recommend between 20 & 45 minutes. Generally speaking, I agree with this window and suggest that your answer depends on a combination of what exactly your child is (or isn’t) doing to draw mealtimes out and what you need to feel calmer. These answers are unlikely to be static - it’s normal to need to adjust over time.

Please remember that feeding children can be extremely challenging, even when it's going well(!). You are undoubtedly doing an amazing job already but if you would like further support, why not consider our on-demand audio course, Raising Adventurous Eaters. It comprises of 13 pre-recorded lessons that guide you through everything you need to know and can be listened to through any podcasting software. The course is both written and delivered by myself and Caroline, qualified coaches and fussy eating experts.

Alternatively, you could book a free discovery call in which you can tell us what’s going on, we can give you some quick immediate advice and let you know how else we might be able to help - with absolutely zero pressure to pursue any options of course. You can do this via the form here.